ALEXANDRA H.: My Dad

On June 14th 2014 my families world turned upside down.

my dad passed away in a fatal accident negotiating a tight turn on State Road 12 between Escalante and Boulder Utah while riding his bullet bike with good friends.

My dad was a very skilled rider, I would trust him with my life. His friends that were with him said he was worried about his front tire that had worn down and had told them he needed to stop and get a new one when they arrived.

The tire was bald and couldn't get traction as he went in for a sharp turn.

As he lost control an SUV was approaching him.

His bike made contact with the SUV first and shattered into pieces as my dad absorbed the impact and got thrown the opposite direction.

His friends that were behind him saw everything, and by the time they had gotten to him he was gone.

They shut his eyes and put a blanket over him and waited for help to arrive.

He passed quickly.

They found out later that he had severed his femoral artery and bleed to death.

I'm so grateful he didn't suffer.

On the day of his death I treated it like any other. I got hired at a new restaurant and went in to train the morning shift. After I came home and got ready. Devin, Drew, and I drove up to Ogden to have dinner with our really good friends Brady and Ally.

When we arrived we hopped in their car and drove to The Rock to eat.

I had left my phone at the Hansen house, but my sister called Devin and he handed the phone to me.

I couldn't hear what my sister was saying because the restaurant was so loud but I could tell she was crying.

My first initial thought that it was our family dog Lizzy (she had been staying over night at the vets recently). As I rushed out of the restaurant and could hear my sister a little more clearly, I still couldn't understand what she was saying.

Suddenly a women in my parents ward grabbed the phone from my sister and was asking me where I was and that I needed to come home immediately. I asked her what was going on and she continued to ignore my question and kept asking me if I had someone to drive me home, and to drive carefully.

Frustrated that she wasn't telling me what was going on I demanded to talk to my sister.

My sister got back on the phone a little more gathered and said, "Brooke, it's dad."

Immediately I knew.

I asked her "Is he alive?" after a long pause she said "no".

I hung up without saying another word and my legs immediately felt like jello.

Devin knew something was wrong while I was talking to my sister and told Drew to ask for the check. He grabbed the car keys and my bag and was there the minute I hung up. When he asked me frantically what was wrong I just remember trying to hold myself up from completely collapsing on the ground. He held me up, I looked at him in complete shock and told him the news.

Because I was in so much shock, the reaction of ugly crying hadn't hit me yet.

Devin helped me to the car while we waited for everyone to pay the bill.

Nobody knew what to say. Brady drove us back to his house so we could get in our car to head home.

LONGEST DRIVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

All these thoughts going through my head, and I was in complete disbelief.

My biggest concern: my youngest brother Jake.

Him and my dad were best buddies

As soon as Drew pulled up I got out of the car and immediately I was bombarded by people who were there hugging me and telling me I needed to get to my mom. I made my way inside and saw my mom, Sam, and Jake sitting on the couch bawling their eyes out.

We were surrounded by so many people - it was a little overwhelming.

There was a lot of crying and visitors till about 2am that night. I was feeling emotionally exhausted.

Dev drove me home for some much needed rest and alone time.

There's the strangest feeling you get when someone has past away.

The only people in my life who have gone on are my grandpa and grandma on my moms side.

Given it was much easier - they were old and suffering and we were all prepared for it.

Is my dad really gone?

He's just at work still...

It still hasn't quite hit me yet.

My dad was one of the hardest workers I knew (I hate using past tense when talking about him).

He had two full time jobs as a respiratory therapist.

He worked hard, and played hard.

When he first got his bullet bike, my mom wasn't happy.

She knew it was so dangerous.

Later she finally realize (as we all did) that there was no getting my dad off that bike.

That was something he really truly loved doing, and who were we to stop that?

My dad and I always had an unspoken bond that I will forever remember.

We were the same person in a lot of ways, and I feel like I really did understand him.

One lesson I will take from my dads passing is to live life to the fullest.

I know people always say that, but I really really mean it!

I'm DONE caring what people think of me, I'm DONE trying to live up to other peoples expectations, I'm DONE being scared of failure.

I will stay close to my family, love the friends that have been there for me and want the best for me and won't hang onto anything/anyone that is/can be toxic in my life.

My dad was always real and said what was on his mind.

I know he loved us more than anything!